Heartbreak.

 Funny it's the same thing which almost everyone has experienced the heartbreak. It hurts like hell. We can't even describe the pain. You may find yourself with teary eyes without any concrete reasons. You can cry while listening to lecture. Because of the pain you're experiencing. 

    Here i am. To describe the ultimate pain. I've been reading a lot lately. Im studying about depression. I looked up about a lot of things just to justify my ex's behaviour. He was really nice to me. Sometimes we fought. Sometimes we shared silly jokes. Sometimes we watched movie together eventhough we weren't really in a good term, but he still make it though. Because he promised. 

    He left me because he was in pain. Pain which can't be describe into words. HE was in despair. He was having major depressive episodes. Few days before we broke up. Ive already asked him few questions and of course one of it was ' are you gonna leave me' ... and he said no.

    Just few days before it happened. He said that he wont leave me. And now he's struggling with his episodes. one thing that im so grateful is that he's staying with his family. He has such a beautiful family. A supportive family. Thank God. 

    And here i am, left with a thousands of unexplained questions, thoughts. But of course, i have to consider his mental health. I didn't even notice he was in his episodes when we broke up. 

    it's been 18 days since we broke up. Few days ago , i called him.Because i care. I still care. I asked about his current condition and he seems okay. When he asked me, how about you? Are you okay. Not gonna lie, I was holding my tears so bad, and i said 'i'm okay'. He knew that i wasn't okay. So he said 'I know you're saying that you're fine but actually you're not' YES IM NOT OKAY. 

he's a good man with a good heart but, this is not the right time for us to be together.